A Multitude of Marge
by Lord Retro
Summary: A series of shorts where Marge Dursley turns Harry's world upside down.
1. Tommy Boy

I do not own Harry Potter.

Harry Potter was having the worst summer of his life. He had risked life and limb in the Tri-Wizard Tournament, and had been used in a ritual to bring his enemy back into a body. Cedric Diggory had been killed and no one seemed to believe that Voldemort could have returned. And ever since the school year had ended, the Daily Prophet had been subtly implying that he had lost hold of his mental facilities.

His scar had been sending him horrendous visions. Voldemort was tormenting him with visions of Cedric, of killing his parents, and of torturing random muggles. He had also seen Snape present his master with a potion to restore his looks to those he had before his out of body experience.

His relatives had been verbally lashing out at him over his nightmares. Scathing remarks and spreading rumors over him being even more imbalanced. He was reaching the end of his rope and knew that he'd never make it through the summer. Fudge wouldn't be waving off any accidental magic like he had in third year. He sighed as he remembered that Vernon was out picking up his sister Marge.

--0--

The four Dursley's were seated at the table while Harry served them. Marge had been here for three days and had done nothing but snipe at him, insulting and finding fault with every move he made. As he turned his back towards the kitchen, Marge made one final comment about his parents and Harry's frayed patience snapped, just like it had the year previously. A stray thought about joining Sirius on the run passed his mind before he slowly turned around.

"What would you know about my parents? They were decent hardworking people before they were murdered!"

Marge ignored him and turned to Vernon. "I thought you said St. Brutus's would put him straight."

Harry saw red. "I don't go to St. Brutus!"

Turning a condescending eye towards the scrawny teen, "Oh, and just where do you go to school then? What self-respecting institution would allow you to attend?"

"Hogwarts, that's where!"

"Hmmph, their standards must have fallen then. I would have never allowed your atrocious behavior when I was head girl."

All noise came to a full stop. Even Dudley had stopped chewing. As Harry's brain rebooted, he asked in a shaking whisper. "Y-you went to Hogwarts?"

"Of course I did. What, did you think I joined those sissy stuck up nits over at Beaubatons? And at the time, Durmstrang wasn't admitting those of us of the fairer sex. Gryffindor Head Girl of '45."

"You're a, you're one of them Marge?" Vernon looked pale.

"Of course, Mum and Dad were so disappointed when you turned out to be a squib. They were ever so thoughtful and moved into the muggle world so you wouldn't have to see everything you were missing. I moved back in to help them out because, bless their hearts, they were getting on in years and you were a bit of a surprise."

Vernon's mouth opened and closed. He reached for his glass and took a long pull of the brandy within.

"Wait a minute, Tom Riddle was Head Boy in '45! You went to school with Vo-"

Marge cut him off. "Oh, Tommy, I'd almost forgotten about him. He was such a dreamy young man. Breaking hearts right and left. Doesn't mean we didn't test out more than a few broom closets during patrols."

Harry lunged for the bottle of brandy still sitting on the table as he attempted to get the mental image out of his head. Finishing off the bottle in short order (Marge and Vernon had been hitting it hard already) he began to wonder where he could find some bleach when a gong like sound rang through the house.

Before any of them could figure out the sound, a skeletal thin man appeared in their midst and pointed a bone white wand straight at Harry. "Dumbledore's protections are useless Potter, now DIE!"

His lips opened to incant the curse when he was distracted by a flush faced woman fanning herself with her napkin. That she wasn't screaming or even cowering confused him. As he turned his newly restored visage towards her, she shouted out "Tommy! You're looking wonderful! Do you remember me?"

Voldemort wracked his dark magic addled mind to figure out who this woman who dared call him by that pathetic nick-name. Slowly, it dawned on him. "Maggie? Is that you?"

"Oh, you remember me Tommy. I was just reminiscing over our time as Head Boy and Girl. You know, I've got my own room here, much nicer than those old broom cupboards."

Riddle thought for a moment. He had yet to test out his restored body, and he was loath to do so with a filthy muggle. He remembered their trysts in school with a small smile.

Harry was frozen, his eyes focused on Voldemort and the wand pointed at his heart. He watched as his mortal enemy gave a smile that was eerily similar to Seamus' when he was on the prowl. 'Definitely need to find some bleach'.

The wand vanished back into the black robes as the hand gestured towards the stairway. "Lead the way my dear Maggie May"

Marge stood from the table, a small smile upon her face. "Oh, Tommy, you remembered." The two made their way upstairs and they heard the guest room door slam shut.

A moment later, they heard Riddles voice drift down the stairs. "Oh Merlin, now I remember whey they called you the Head Girl all the way back in your 4th year!"

Harry crawled his way back into the cupboard under the stairs and started rocking back and forth slowly. _'Maybe the Prophet is right and I am going insane?_'

Peace Out

Lord Retro


	2. The Substitute

I do not own Harry Potter.

In case it wasn't clear, these shorts are not connected.

Harry was getting worried about Hagrid. No one had seen him since that loathsome Skeeter's article exposed his mixed ancestry. The trio was making their way down towards their first Care lesson of the new year.

As they were standing around the designated barn, a familiar bulldog grabbed hold of the hem of his robe and began growling. Harry could only stare in horror.

"What are you doing to my Ripper boy! Stand up straight, no slouching, tuck that shirt in, and for Merlin's sake, run a comb through that rats nest you call hair."

The words were out of his mouth before he could think. "Yes, Aunt Marge"

"That's Professor Dursley to you boy. My dear brother has worked his heart out trying to instill you with manners and etiquette and this is how you behave. Detention with me tonight, 7 o'clock sharp." Marge continued her way to the front of the class.

"I am Professor Marjorie Dursley. Dumbledore asked me here since your usual professor refuses to perform his duties. That he wasn't sacked for lazing about shows just what kind of man the Headmaster is. You will all work hard in my class, and no silly titles will excuse that. Today we're going to be learning about Crups..."

As Marge continued the lecture, Harry's face turned bright red. He had thought he'd gotten away from the Dursleys. A glance towards his right showed a mocking Malfoy with his jolly band of Slytherins laughing along.

Harry leaned towards Hermione. "We have got to get Hagrid back," he whispered.

"No talking boy, that will be another detention, and one for the tart as well. Now, as I was saying..."

Peace Out

Lord Retro


	3. Marge's Lover

I do not own Harry Potter.

This chapter is not for the squeamish.

The drive home from Kings Cross was silent. It was only Harry and his uncle in the car. Vernon had not taken to the threats of the Order well and his face was a rather angry puce. He seemed to be warring with something as his mouth kept opening and closing as though he were trying to figure out the correct words. Harry, of course, noticed none of this as he was completely withdrawn into himself as he thought about the ministry battle. Finally, Vernon seemed to make up his mind.

"Boy, here's how things are going to go this summer." He looked into the mirror and saw Harry wasn't paying attention. "BOY!"

Harry jumped up, surprised. "Yes uncle Vernon."

"As I was saying boy, here's how this summer is going to go. You will only have one big chore this summer. Marge is staying for the next month, along with her...significant other." The last words seemed to have left a bad taste in his mouth. "They were apparently injured in an accident with a few of the horses Marge has on the farm, and they want to get away from the countryside for a while. You will be taking care of them and tending to their needs. When you're not helping them, you're in your room or working on a list of chores around the house. Do we have an understanding boy?"

"Yes uncle Vernon." Harry wondered about what man could possibly find Marge attractive. He tossed the thoughts out as he would meet him soon enough and went back to brooding.

Before long they were pulling into the driveway. Before he could get out, Vernon gave him one final order. "Put your freakish things away and stay in your room until you're needed. Take this, and they have the other one." Vernon handed Harry a handheld transceiver and made his way into the house.

10 minutes later Harry was just putting the loose floorboard back into place when the walkie talkie crackled with static. "Hem Hem, I am in need of your assistance." The blood drained out of his face as visions of pink toads flashed in front of his eyes. "Hem Hem, are you on your way?" With a lump of steel in his stomach he pressed the button and confirmed he was en route. Stiffly, he walked across the hall to the guest room.

He knocked on the door with a shaking hand. "Come in, come in" He turned the knob and prayed to every deity he'd ever heard of even in passing that it was not the woman he thought on the other side of the door. Taking a deep breath he opened his eyes and stepped inside and immediately wished he hadn't.

Dolores Umbridge was sitting up on the guest bed, propped up on pillows, and wearing nothing more than a lacy pink nightie. Sitting in the chair beside the bed, holding her hand, was Aunt Marge, wearing a criminally small pair of blue shorts and a lacy blue camisole.

"Ahh, Mr. Potter, we really did leave off on bad terms. What say we make friends as you rub this bruise ointment Cornelius got for me in? The potion is on the dresser, why don't you hurry up and get it so I can feel some relieve."

Harry turned away as fast as he could and grabbed the jar. Taking another deep breath, he turned around only to nearly lose the snacks he had eaten aboard the Express. Umbridge had moved the covers aside and slid the side of her nightie up exposing the entirety of her  
thigh, which was covered in hoof shaped bruises.

"Why don't you start here and work your way around. Those filthy half-breeds really trampled my backside."

Peace Out

Lord Retro


	4. Farewell

Alas, the time has come where life has become much more important than Fanfiction. I've loved reading the hundreds if not thousands of stories, and even trying my had at writing myself.

Unfortunately, between my new job, my wifes job, and a toddler, I'm not going to have any time to myself for a very long time.

I've been a Fanfiction Addict for a number of years now, sacrificing sleep, putting a strain on my relationship, and missing out on a large number of moments in my son's early life. I'm putting it away cold turkey.

My stories will be left on the site for people to enjoy, but I will be turning all my alerts off.

There are many great authors on this site, and I'm honored to have read their works. I'm also honored by the number of people who have enjoyed my work and let me know about it in reviews and private messages.

If anyone would like to continue one of my stories, please send me a PM and we'll talk.

Peace Out (for the last time)

Lord Retro


End file.
